The Secret to a Better World and a Better You in Two Easy Steps

I saw a lot of things that made me put on my "rant face" and I was totally going to do my entire post on those.  But then I saw something else entirely and had to write about it instead.

I had a job a while back that required me to remain very impartial with very passionate people who all had very diverse, very convicted opinions.  I'd like to think I did it well.  No, I know I did it well.  The ad revenue and online traffic reports don't lie.  When I was in charge, it prospered better than before I took the reins and after my contract ended.  I took it very seriously and did it very well.

A lot of the time, people asked me how it was that I was able to remain level headed and see both sides of every story and reassure both parties on opposite sides of opinion that I felt where they were coming from, appreciated their thoughts, and valued their contributions.  Besides the fact that I had close friends to vent to when the stress of it overwhelmed me, I had two very concrete ingredients in my life to handle it.  After I saw a conversation on Facebook today, it reminded me how those ingredients have made me a better person and therefore, I feel I positively effect the world.

The background that you will need to understand this conversation, is that it is from a status update of my brother.  He is a Christian Youth Pastor, a fully ordained Minister of the Evangelical Free Church, and a Chaplain in the United States Air Force.  Some of the respondents are his friends and/or parishioners, and one respondent is our mutual friend; a fabulous gay man in his 30's that my brother and I went to high school with.  Here's the dialogue with minor changes not affecting content for length and names for privacy: 

Brother: Laughing at the Atheists who are offended at "Pray for Oklahoma."  Talk about "easily offended" and "shoving your religion down people's throats." Lol

Fabulous: I don't get it.  As a proud atheist, I am annoyed by people who do that.  We should be standing as one to support these victims of these tragedies in every way possible.  Supporting each other in times of need is what we, as human beings, should be doing instead of bickering over small things. If this is how Christians want to present unity and solidarity, then we should support them.  Tell your cranky atheist friends to chill out and think of the victims, and the bigger picture. AND that you don't have to be Christian to love and respect people.

Friend1: You know, it's just people that want to complain and make a stink about stuff.  I'm a Christian and have friends that are Atheist or Agnostic and when I say "I'll pray for you" they just say "thank you."

Friend2:  Thank you, Fabulous.  I have an Atheist friend who constantly criticizes Christians praying.  I need to learn to laugh like Brother because it just irritates me. Friend1, thank you.  This person always accuses Christians of shoving religion down his throat but that's exactly what he's doing.

Friend3: I don't personally pray, but I send warm thoughts or well wishes and I feel that those who do pray are doing so with the best of intentions and love in their hearts.  Nothing wrong there.  Let's get some perspective, people.

Me: I don't understand why a person of religion or nonreligion would get offended by saying something nice.  It doesn't bother me to hear Happy Holidays OR Merry Christmas OR Happy Chanukah or Kwanzaa or all of the above at the seasonal time.  (I agree with Fabulous, as per usual. lol)

Brother: Obviously I'm a Christian.  When I pray for someone, I am of the opinion that this is one of the kindest things that I can do for them.  So when I read a news article about the (subset of) Atheists all up in arms about this, I think to myself "So now they DON'T want me to be nice?" If a Muslim offers to pray for me, I'm not offended.  When an Atheist sends warm/positive vibes my way, I don't mock them.  I assume they are operating within what is meaningful given their metaphysical understanding and I appreciate the gesture (my personal estimations of the efficacy of such gestures being completely irrelevant). My faith/positions are strong enough that I don't need everyone to agree with me. I am not threatened by the diversity of opinion on prayer.  I chuckle, because I have to ask, are their positions so unstable that they can't handle diversity or deep down, do they really believe in prayer so much that it frightens them? And Fabulous, if more atheists had your spirit, I would have much more enlightening conversations and we might actually achieve some REAL diversity in this country....instead of the superficial "no one offend anyone but we don't have any real understanding/appreciation of each other either" that passes for tolerance these days.

Fabulous:  I got rid of the whole "most Christians hate gays" attitude a long time ago.  I don't think it is healthy to hang onto anger.  Most Christians are about love-that is something I can support and appreciate.  I'm not going to let a bunch of crazy fundamentalists make a whole group of people look bad.  It would make me just as bad as them.  I wish more people would let go and just love and be kind.

Brother: Agreed.  Some of the best things for my faith have been rational dialogue with people who don't share my positions.  We don't have to agree to be friends and love each other.  And I can love people that I disagree with and hopefully, they can love me.  Superficial acceptance leads to superficial love.  Honest and loving (which is usually messy and difficult) dialogue leads to real and authentic love between people.  Isn't that the REAL goal of diversity?  Not that we all agree, but we all agree people have value even when we disagree with them?

and then the comments dissolved into many saying that Brother and Fabulous should take their show on the road and sell out concert halls to "The Atheist and The Christian: Showing the Right Way to Love and Live with Each Other" and then Fabulous wondering what he would wear to such events and Brother saying that the better question would be would Fabulous help HIM decide what to wear and basically me and the other Friends sharing the genuine statement of how much we loved them and each other.

THIS.  This is why I am the way that I am.  I've always had Brother.  And even though he hasn't always been a Christian, he has always been smart, and kind, and thoughtful, and compassionate.  I found friendship in Fabulous.  Who wasn't always loving.  He was spiteful and full of anger and confused and bullied.  But he was kind to me because I accepted him.  I was curious about him as a 14 year old girl because he was, well...freaking Fabulous.  He taught me about himself and showed me that he was no different than any other teenager in the world.

So the secrets of having a better world and a better you?

Number one: It starts before you.  It starts with your home culture.  If you are raised by tolerant, loving people, it is more likely that you will be tolerant and loving.  If your home culture sucked, make the difference starting with you and pass it on to your offspring.  Hatred isn't born, it is taught.  Plain and simple.

Number two:  Surround yourself with kind people who are different than you or think differently than you.  Open your mind to their world and let them into yours.  Learn from them and teach them.  Engage in something larger than "superficial acceptance."

That's it.

I can't even tell you how proud I am to belong to a family and network of friends who are loving of each other not only in spite of our differences, but because of them.  It's a nice feeling this love and this pride.  Please pass it on.

Who is different from you that you will choose to love today?